Learning From Your Emotions
I hear all the time that there is never a place for negative emotions. In the world of personal development, we focus heaps of attention on identifying negative emotions from the past and teaching clients how to learn from those past negative emotions so they don’t have to keep reliving painful memories. The Unconscious Mind will continue to ‘bring up’ negative emotions that still need to be attended to. This means that you may be going along just fine, and all of a sudden have a completely uncharacteristic reaction to something that would normally not warrant such a response. For example, you may find yourself getting very angry with someone over something small. This is your Unconscious Mind’s way of trying to get you to pay attention to the emotion of anger and what is trying to teach you about yourself that is positive for yourself and for your life. And until you get the learning, you will continue to experience intense emotions, or inappropriate emotional responses to things. Once you get the positive message your emotions are telling you, you free yourself of having to relive past events and you can truly live in the now.
So where does this leave emotions, then? Many students have asked me if they get the learnings from a certain emotion, does that mean that they will no longer feel that particular emotion. This is a common misconception. When you learn what your emotions are trying to communicate to you, you no longer have to experience the emotions from the past anymore. This doesn’t mean that you don’t feel particular emotion anymore in the now. It merely means that you will no longer express past emotions that have gone unnoticed, because you now have the learnings.
This frees you up to experience everything in the now. This includes positive and negative emotions. Negative emotions in the now are a result of a boundaries violation, which could be by you or someone else. A boundaries violation is when someone behaves in a way that goes against your values, or what you stand for. A violation also occurs when you violate your own boundaries by doing things that go against your goals or values. For example, if you set a goal to run 5 times a week, and at the end of the week you have only run 1 time, you are violating the boundaries of your goal or outcome. In this case, you will probably feel some kind of negative emotion about your progress for the week. In the same way, if you witness someone stealing from someone else, and you deem that to be wrong, you will likely react in a negative way.
It’s so vital to learn from our past so we can get all the teachings our experiences are there to give us. These lessons largely come in the form of negative emotions. Once we are able to reframe the events of our past, and learn that even the most painful things were experienced in order to teach us something absolutely positive about ourselves, we are free to live in the now. Negative emotions felt regarding an event in the now, or about future events, such as goals, are there to remind you to focus on what you want, and to enforce your boundaries.
But how does one know the difference?
You have to pay attention. If you are continually getting caught up in the past, or reliving past memories, you need to get the learnings on those events and emotions, otherwise you will just keep looping. This is what a coach is for. People trained in NLP, Hypnosis and Time Line Therapy™ can assist you in letting go of emotions from the past and getting the learnings. This process is absolutely vital to getting your goals.
If you are not enforcing your boundaries, and you feel bad about it…this is actually a good thing. You need to focus on what you want and get to work. If you’re not doing what you need to do to get what you want, of course you’re going to feel bad about it. You’re compromising on your word, and you’re making it impossible for you to even believe or trust yourself. Of course this is going to warrant some negative emotions. Combat this by focussing on what you want and seeing goals through until the end.
Learn to pay attention to your emotions & ask yourself: What is this teaching me that’s positive for me and for my life? And take the next step in taking responsibility for your success by enlisting the help of a coach to keep you on task, and to help you learn to use the power of your emotions in order to get your goals.
Learn more about the importance of paying attention to your emotions at our NLP Practitioner Certification Training